How to cut a pineapple

This might seem weird, but pineapples make me sad. On the rare occasion that I have a tropical vacation planned, they make me happy. This is very rarely the case, so mostly they make me sad.

The sadness I feel upon seeing a pineapple happens quickly, like a sudden kick to the stomach. I will be strolling through the grocery store...wait, I never stroll through the grocery store. I will be zipping through the grocery store, in hopes that my toddler will not have a tantrum and/or my 4-month-old will not start wailing. I catch sight of the little stack of pineapples sitting next to the row of bananas and my heart sinks a little in my chest. I whisper, "Ohh," as if I was just wistfully reminded of someone who had passed away. Thankfully, I never have much time to dwell, so within minutes my mind is taken over by honey ham lunch meat and hummus.

You see, my brain makes a very strong association between pineapples and vacation. I don't know how it started, but pineapples scream tropical vacation to me. And I sure do love tropical vacations. The thought of lying on a beach with some sort of tropical drink in my hand (with maybe a little slice of pineapple hanging from the rim) makes me grin from ear to ear. And then I realize that I live in Minnesota and it is about to get very very cold. And then I start to cry.

I like to avoid feeling sad and therefore I do not buy a whole lot of pineapples, but I do love the taste of them. Pineapple is actually one of my favorite fruits. And strangely, I find them kind of fun to cut.

To cut a pineapple, first cut off the stem. Cut into the skin/flesh of the pineapple just a bit when doing this.

Throw the stem away and quarter the pineapple.

Remove the core from all four pieces by cutting a triangular-shaped piece off the top of each.

Now you will need to separate the fruit from the bumpy peel. Carefully make a cut along the bottom of each side of the pineapple that extends to the center. Now make one cut straight down, separating the fruit from the end of the pineapple.

The fruit should easily fall away from the peel.

Make two cuts lengthwise down each quarter of pineapple and then make cuts going perpendicular to those cuts, all the way down the length of it.

Oh goodness, I just realized that this post was far from an advertisement for pineapple. I hope I haven't ruined it for anyone.